Goth 2.0

May 14th, 2007 | by | old season

May
14

Since arriving in Cape Town in late 2003, I’ve been on the lookout for a decent gothic nightclub in which to while away the night hours and indulge my darker tendencies*.

Honestly, the quest was quite depressing. I tried Mordor, which is more metal than goth and mostly sucks, as well as The One Ring, which is more lame than goth and mostly sucks. I had, for some time, been aware of the existence of a place called Gotham, but I was unable to locate it during two previous visits to Observatory.

Finally, last Friday night, I stumbled upon it after taking victuals at the nearby Mexican restaurant. It felt like I was going home. The place is magnificently decorated, while remaining run down and dingy, and I would recommend a visit to all who appreciate that sort of thing.

My visit, however, was not without some small personal trauma. I had to elbow my way past some very young looking goths and their girlfriends at the door. I overheard one of them say, “Chips, Dude, there is some old guy trying to come in.”

Kids today. Can’t take them anywhere.

*: I’ve been claiming to be black on government forms for quite a while now.

No Comments »

Police Initiated Crime

March 15th, 2007 | by | old season

Mar
15

Far be it from me to poke fun at the South African Police Service and its members. Indeed, I have usually found them to an extraordinarily helpful and attentive group of people and I have great appreciation for the work that they do.

That said, there are some things that I do not understand.

Each month, I receive a Table View Police newsletter in my post box. The most recent is Volume 75 of March 2007. The message from the Station Commissioner is included here. I have highlighted a particular passage.

Sweet tap-dancing Jesus! What are we to make of this?

I shall endeavor to obtain a clarification from Senior Superintendent Nolan, and publish it here.

No Comments »

The Return of Sheik Kiluba and Others

March 8th, 2007 | by | old season

Mar
08

I’ve recently received further promotional material from Dr Sheik Kiluba, Spiritual Healer. The only new twist is that his printer has used green ink rather than purple.

As it happens, the last time I heard from Dr Kiluba I commented on absence, albeit my own. This time the Good Doctor’s marketing exercise has coincided with the return of someone special* that I thought was lost to me forever. I am suffused with maudlin sentiment. It happens in situations such as this one, and how much better life is for that!

Spiritual healing, of a sort, is therefore very much in evidence at the moment. You can never really tell how badly you need it until it arrives, nor the form in which it will come or from whom. How sad, then, that some try to market it in R30 increments.

*: No, not her!

No Comments »

This is my thing with the death penalty

January 15th, 2007 | by | old season

Jan
15

A friend recently asked my why I am hung up* on blogging about the death penalty. Today, on the day that Saddam Hussein’s co-accused were executed, I thought I would publish my well considered answer.

As an atheist, I cannot fall back on eternal life, or even eternal torment. I don’t get to have another round through re-incarnation either. When everything is stripped away from me, I at least have life. When life is taken from me, I have nothing.

Life, translated into time, is our greatest and perhaps our only resource. Every human life is a potential, from which we hope that circumstances draw good things rather than bad. Irrespective of what they have done before, every human being has the potential to do good things, beneficial things, with the time remaining to them. This is the only thing that gives us value as human beings.

That is why taking a life, under any conceivable circumstances, is the ultimate barbarism. That is why it is wrong, and that is why I cannot condone the execution of any prisoner by a so-called civilised government. If your government is killing people, it is not civilised.

I cannot say that there are no circumstances under which I would take a life. I recognise that it is sometimes necessary, and sometimes feels like the best thing to do. I give no guarantee that I can live by my own altruism – indeed, my very human nature assures that I cannot.

Being opposed to the death penalty is not about limiting what we do when we have no control over our rage or our desire to live. It is about taking advantage of the times when we do have control to speak out against the clinical and brutal practice of government sanctioned killing.

Today, when they hanged Barzan Ibrahim, half brother of Saddam Hussein, they broke his head right off. Lots of people won’t want to think about this, just like people were outraged when the full video of Saddam Hussein’s execution was leaked on the Internet. Go and watch it. If you support the death penalty, go and embrace the barbarism of taking someone’s life. Don’t hide behind justice or the “rule of law”. Just watch a human life, with all of its potential, being snuffed out.

Now tell me how you feel.

*: Thank you, thank you. I’m here all week.

In case you were wondering, Andrew is not a vegetarian and is pro-choice when it comes to abortion. These choices sit quite comfortably in the same box as his opposition to the death penalty.

No Comments »

Letter to the President of South Africa

December 29th, 2006 | by | old season

Dec
29

Dear Mr President

As a proud South African citizen, I urgently appeal to you to intervene in an attempt to stop the execution of the former leader of Iraq, Mr Saddam Hussein.

Our New Republic has been founded on the principle of reconciliation and forgiveness, and the idea that every single human being has a right to life irrespective of their crimes. Although I realise that I don’t speak for all South Africans in this matter, I am personally very comfortable and justifiably proud to live in a nation that has abolished the death penalty.

I am not legally qualified to question Mr Hussein’s conviction on charges of crimes against Humanity. As a South African, however, I feel that I am qualified to question the ethical aspects of any execution. Perhaps, Mr President, it is precisely because we are South Africans, striving towards a peaceful future from a troubled past and present, that we realise that every human life has value, has potential, and can contribute to the betterment of humanity despite any past mistakes.

If our nation were able to prevent the loss of this life, it would give me immeasurable satisfaction because it would be an act that is based on the values that I believe are critical to the success of our own country.

If I am too late, then let my request still stand as a symbol of forgiveness and reconciliation in our own South Africa and the world at large. I am sure that you would mourn Mr Hussein with me, not for his criminality but for his humanity.

Sincere Regards

Andrew Freeborn

Indications are that Saddam Hussein, former leader of Iraq, will be executed by hanging tomorrow. This letter was sent to the director of communications at the Presidency (sandra@po.gov.za), and to President Mbeki’s Personal Secretary (alan@po.gov.za). If you oppose the death penalty, or doubt the impartiality of Mr Hussein’s conviction, please consider adding your voice to this appeal.

No Comments »

Blatant, crunchy death

December 15th, 2006 | by | old season

Dec
15

I have this friend, see, with a wonderful 2 year old daughter named Rebecca. If I could be guaranteed of having a ‘Becca, I would get married and settle down tomorrow with a view to starting the process of spawning.

Today I visited my friend in order to drop Rebecca’s Christmas present off. Little did I suspect that I would land up burying her pet tortoise, the poor creature having found its way into the swimming pool area, fallen in, and drowned. I volunteered, having dealt with death a little more than a few times in my life, so that her parents could keep her entertained inside the house until the ceremony was concluded.

Poor Mrs Tortoise now resides in a flower bed with half a glass of spilled red wine as the only marker of her grave. She serves as a reminder to me that most of us learn about death from those who are the source of greatest enjoyment in our lives: grandparents and pets. Then we learn that there are worse things than death.

People wonder why I am a goth. Sheesh!

No Comments »

Crime Expo SA Update!

November 22nd, 2006 | by | old season

Nov
22

In September, I published an article here in which I shared my thoughts about the CrimeExpoSouthAfrica.com Web site. I was unimpressed by the site and its denizen-nazis, and I expressed the view that it smacked of a money making scam.

Today, The Citizen published a story exposing links between Neil Watson, the operator of the site, and a man named Juan Uys of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance*. Mr Uys has been mentioned in connection with threats to contaminate South Africa’s blood supply with HIV earlier this year.

Admittedly, my theory was not entirely correct. The information that has been uncovered is, however, disturbing enough to motivate some politicians to ask the police to investigate. It may turn out that my mistake was in overestimating the subtlety of small-minded fraudsters.

Many South Africans seem to delight in believing the worst about their country. This latest news must come as a great disappointment to them. I can only put on my best William Shatner voice and impart the following wisdom:

I. Told. You. So.

*: I do not mean to imply that gay people are trying to destroy the country. The fact is that most gay people seem to hate the GLA.

No Comments »

My Personal Tik Junkie

November 21st, 2006 | by | old season

Nov
21

There seems to be a new woman in my life, for better or worse. I haven’t had to ask her out, buy her flowers or spend time listening to her. I don’t know her name but I have noticed that she is remarkably attractive. She is slim, in that incredibly low body fat ratio way, and with the lithe stature of someone who walks a lot.

She is also famous, having been the subject of many letters to the local community news papers such as the Table Talk and the TygerBurger. She is the Table View girl who approaches strangers in car parks asking for money to help her out of embarrassing personal emergencies.

Truth be told, I have only made her acquaintance three times.

The first was several weeks ago in the parking lot of the Bayside Center. She approached me one evening, while I was on a phone call, and explained that she was in trouble because she had driven through from Vredenburg in her grandmother’s car. The car’s petrol gauge was broken and she had consequently run out of fuel. She needed R60 to get back home. Constrained by the notes in my wallet, and probably distracted by her undeniable good looks and my phone call, I gave her R80, for which she seemed genuinely grateful.

About 2 weeks ago, the same girl approached me as I was pulling out of my driveway. She flagged me down and started to explain that she was in trouble because she had driven through from Vredenburg in her Grandmother’s car. Sound familiar? I listened intently and then told her the story of how another girl had once got me to give them R80 with exactly the same story, a girl who looked just like her! She responded with an exasperated sigh, and stormed off. Clearly, I had done something wrong.

Last night, in Pick ‘n Pay, she approached me again. She urgently needed to buy light bulbs*, and was a bit short. I responded with, “Light bulbs, huh?” while holding up three fingers. Once again I got the exasperated sigh.

I feel that I might perhaps have been a bit hard on the poor girl. She might be a very nice person, battling an all-consuming addiction. On the other hand, she might be a lying cow who would take advantage of anyone she met in order to further her drug abuse objectives. Having been in this situation before, I’m weary of trying to stage a rescue mission. This is where my readers come in. I’d like to know your opinions.

Should I:

  1. buy her a coffee and have a serious talk with her about drug abuse?
  2. spurn her as I would spurn a rabid dog?
  3. ask her on a date?

The floor is yours. Those that come up with particularly creative advice will get extra credit.

*: For those not immersed in drug culture, which means you probably don’t live in Table View, light bulbs are among the most useful Tik paraphernalia.

2 Comments »

My Struggle

September 5th, 2006 | by | old season

Sep
05

Years ago, when I was a teenager, I pretended to read Adolf Hitler’s book, Mein Kampf. I say “pretended” because it was, being 50 years old, highly nationalistic and translated from another language, not very gripping.

From the bits of it that I assimilated, I have realised that Mein Kampf was not about a struggle for rights, a nationalistic yearning for expression or a rallying cry for an oppressed nation. This is not a book about have-nots fighting for a place in the sun, but rather a selfish book about haves, who are unwilling to share. Mein Kampf was an aggressive, pre-emptive strike, made under the pretence of defending a cultural ideal that had become irrelevant.

The logic was simple: Remind people of the very bad things in their society, and then blame someone for those. Dogbert had a very similar idea:

The Dogbert method of eliminating guilt is simple. All of your problems are caused by invisible people named Juan and Cindy. All you have to do is find them and kill them.Scott Adams

You don’t have to be a megalomaniac to fall into this logical error. You might, for example, be a broker. Perhaps your name is Neil Watson, and you might, hypothetically, have a Web site called Crime Expo South Africa.

Mr Watson’s work has received a lot of comment recently, from all levels of society from leading politicians to violent assassins. While I sympathise with him on having to deal with the Independent Democrats, I have very little time for what he is doing. His logic has been shredded by a thousand people, but never quite as well as it has been by South African blogger, Alwaysthewit. Well done there, old chap!

I, however, wish to take issue with Mr Watson on more sociological and philosophical grounds.

I wonder if a single South African has contacted him to say, “Dear Mr Watson. I loved this country until I saw your Web site. Now I hate it and I fear for my life. You convinced me. Thank you. Signed, John Random Saffer.” I’ll tell you what: I’ve trawled through his comments without finding a single message of this nature.

What I do see in his comments are the following:

Moffie Boshoff says ‘right-wing extremist’ like it is a bad thing. Oh, how could you..? (add gay lisp). — Mark

As a Christian I can only put that down to demonism, and no doubt in my mind, it plays its role in the mayhem that has decended on South Africa. — Michelledarling

Well exept for Apartheid, what was wrong with the fundamentals and principles the old government ran the country? — Geel Giellie

I agree with Geel Gielie. Vaal Watcher, you smell like the New Age movement….You are already in our Government, our schools and our Churches!! … We had a 100% vote at Bloodrivier, we can do it again. The whole crux of the reform/recovery/healing of South Africa lies in 2 Cron 7:13,14,15… Valie, jump in the Vaal River and drown with your doctrines, you are declared an heretic, and please get of this site! — Afrikaner Volk

Liberalism, multiculturalism and human rights for criminals is a leftist disease. Multiculturalism has not worked in Britain either, many people there are up in arms, they are sick and tired of a government that has turned their country into a cauldron of ethnics who really want to control the country, and with those socialist commies in power now, that’s not too far away. — crazy horse

You sound like the Freemasons. Can you take your new world order ideas and paste them on a Anarchist site cause that’s exactly what your ideology has created in this country complete anarchy… You will only run this country or the world over my dead body. Look at what human rights have created in this country — Geel Giellie

[sic]

Those are from just two pages. This stuff is so good that you cannot just make it up. That is how these people react to anybody who challenges their viewpoint. When they find this blog entry they are going to call me a “moffie”, a “liberal” and a “communist”. I’ve been called worse, and I have no doubt that I will be again.

The point is that the sort of people who gravitate to Crime Expo South Africa already believe everything that the site expounds. Nobody is being converted, or having their “eyes opened”. The entire effort is a rallying cry for the paranoid, the traumatised, the scarred victims and the ill-content – the very people who we should be reassuring and for whom we should be trying to accentuate the many positive aspects of South Africa. This site rubs salt in the wounds of every victim of crime.

Even worse, it is filled with advice for the well heeled on how to get out of South Africa. It offers no comfort to those who suffer far more horrifically under crime but are too poor to move out of their unsafe environment. Mr Watson offers solutions for rich people only.

Why? I can only guess. According to the Internet, Mr Watson lives in Camps Bay. He must be a pretty successful “broker” to be able to afford to live there. If you are wondering what sort of “broker” he is, the same article claims that he sells insurance. That’s a bit like selling peace of mind to people after you have convinced them that they are about to be murdered in their sleep and have their possessions looted by criminals.

If that is indeed his line of business, having a Web site like Crime Expo South Africa probably does not hurt. Until we are sure, we should probably take what he writes with a pinch of salt.

No Comments »