October 11th, 2008 | by andrewdotcoza | old season
Oct
11
I went along to the Milnerton flea market today, where I found this very cool thing. I made it mine for the sum of R120, and it goes well with my original program from the 5th South African Grand Prix of 1939.
September 7th, 2008 | by andrewdotcoza | old season
Sep
07
Found in Port Elizabeth in May 2003August 31st, 2008 | by andrewdotcoza | old season
Aug
31
Squeaking an entry in for August, I thought y’all might enjoy this sauce bottle label. It was spotted in February 2007, at the offices of one of my clients.
June 6th, 2008 | by andrewdotcoza | old season
Jun
06
Those of you with a close view of my personal life know that I have been doing quite a lot of travelling recently. Every few weeks I hop on a plane to Johannesburg and return, an exhausted husk, in time for the weekend.
These excursions have interfered somewhat with my blogging schedule, but have yielded a wealth of reportable material. This evening I was planning a vitriolic rant about airline food.
You see, My Employer flies me around on the local version of that fine airline, British Airways. They are a pretty good airline too. The staff are friendly and professional, and they fly that old stalwart, the Toyota Corolla of the Air, the Boeing 737. By and large the aircraft are comfortable. All airlines have their foibles and the particularly important one with BA is this: Avoid sitting in a B or E seat, and avoid 11D completely.
The food, however, is awful. Generally they offer a choice between a sort of Lamb Surprise and a sort of Vegetarian Surprise. The lamb often comprises that old favourite, Lamb Lasagne, made with real, identifiable chunks of meat. Tonight, however, I got Lamb Rice Cakes, in which I managed to detect no lamb whatsoever, and hardly any noticeable rice. On the morning flight, you receive a tablespoon sized scoop of salad. This is composed, in the main, of grated Mystery Fruit. It looks like it might be very old pear, but it tastes like slightly wheaty pineapple core.
I was planning to go on at some length about this cuisine and so, on tonight’s flight, I decided to read the pamphlet provided by the company that makes it (beware of automatically played voice recording). They include a list of their restaurants (presumably so that you can avoid them), and a 10% discount voucher. When I looked at the voucher, I realised that the last word on this subject had already been spoken.
May 20th, 2008 | by andrewdotcoza | old season
May
20
May 19th, 2008 | by andrewdotcoza | old season
May
19
April 18th, 2008 | by andrewdotcoza | old season
Apr
18
Welcome, Brothers and Sisters. Let us, for a moment, give praises for the fact that we are still safely here and that, in His infinite mercy, He decided not to destroy us like the filthy sinners that we are.
Let me explain.
It all started a few weeks ago when, in my mailbox, I received tidings of a terrible reckoning to come. In His wisdom, He obviously chose to warn the sinful city of Cape Town, because you have to be quite familiar with the size of the mountain to really get scared by this. Click on it, and behold His Awesome Power.
For He is Killer Jebuz, the Christzilla, the only anointed Son of Godzilla (obviously!), who, in His might, wipes entire suburbs from the face of the mountain with the backs of His hands.
He is Alive! He is coming for you in 2008, and unless you repent, he will send you to the Bellville Civic Centre.
His crown of thorns is made out of wrecked space-elevators, and His shadowy eyes burn with the darkness of our souls. I don’t mind telling you, it scares the Bejesus out of me.
Go with Christzilla. Amen.
April 12th, 2008 | by andrewdotcoza | old season
Apr
12
A very long time ago, a shared a few examples of the very strange ads that arrive in my post box.
I’ve collected my favourites from the last few months so that we can revisit this very uplifting subject.
The award for worst grammar on a business card goes to Pro Shades for this little number in the season’s hottest fashion colour.
The special spelling award goes to an anonymous advertiser that assures of that his services come with good price. Whoever the craftsman, his flyers really crake me up!
Finally, in the established genre of advertising for traditional healers, we are thrilled to award Dr Mapesa for his latest creating, Sex Problems. This was passed to me by Kyknoord, either as a referral or a nomination.
Come back next next time to read our exposé on the greatest danger the immoral city of Cape Town has ever faced, praise Jesus! Until then, go with Christ!
December 17th, 2007 | by andrewdotcoza | old season
Dec
17
As many of you know, I delight in collecting the flyers of church organisations and sharing them with you here on my blog. In recent months it has become clear to me that the churches of my home suburb are overflowing, and that the demand for salvation is far outstripping supply. My mailbox has been bereft of interesting brochures that promise me personal redemption, or a glimpse into the future.
How much more special, therefore, it was to find this example. Folded into a compact square, with the corners literally chewed off, it called to me from a crack into which it had been wedged on the outside of one of my client’s offices. Powerful Preachings. Special Music. How glad I am that this fell into my hands instead of those of another, who might actually have gone to hear the powerful testimonies.
Besides, as I understood it, testifying is usually the last thing a drug addict or gangster is expected to do.
I have been very blessed, and you have been very kind.
September 21st, 2007 | by andrewdotcoza | old season
Sep
21
I have just received the following message from an Internet marketing agent. Only the link has been changed to prevent the bastard from getting hits.
On 21 Sep 2007, at 00:08 , burak SYSOI wrote:
http://www.example.com/
Yo yo yo andrew
get rid of that self-esteem once and for all.
burak SYSOI
Thanks Burak! You are a ray of frikkin’ sunshine!